Tuesday, March 27, 2007

phone calls

I got another phone call from him this morning. Telling me that somewhere in Singapore (where is his right now), there is this road that reminds him of Perth. Reminded him of our time together and how much he misses the care-free life back when we were all studying in Uni.

He sounded drunk.

And I told him so.

For the past month that I have been receiving these sporadic calls, I've tried to play the part of a 'friend'. I knew he was going through a particularly rough patch in his life. I didn't mind to listen. I was actually more concern that he would do something to himself. A path I believe he would take if all was lost.

I didn't want to learn one day that he too had gone down that path.

For that matter, how are you supposed to help someone who is depressed ? After each phone call, I only feel that I am the one who is becoming more and more depressed.

But this morning I kinda snapped. I guess the result from receiving a phone call from a drunken caller before 7am in the morning. I told him to stop calling me. Stop drinking. That he was not the only person in the world having problems. And told him to go wake up someone else in Singapore.

I so regret saying that now.


on jai said...

You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themself. There's only so much you can do, after all, you are human too. As the saying goes "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink". I recently have a friend almost pick a fight with me in a drunken stupor (he does that with everyone when he's drunk) - this is someone I've consoled and given advice to for a while now and supposedly he looks up to me, but that was the last straw. Let them decide when they want to finally deal with their situation... but do not in the process let their situation absorb you... definitely screws around with your head.

- chi sin - said...

Believe it or not, i have been doing something like that for the last few years... since i broke up and start drinking... when i've been drinking, seeing a group of people happily together, then somehow will reflect how alone i am, even though i am with that group of people, drinking, partying, wedding party, whatever. I always call my aiya sister, basically attention seeking and hopefully someone will care about me... to fill my loneliness. Ha~ she so used to me doing that already... When I (eventually) am sober... i would admit that i was selfish but at that time i do want someone close to me to have a small chit chat. yes, definitely selfish act that i did.

umm... BTW, as time goes by, i choose SMS instead 'coz i dun wanna disturb too much of my aiya sister. Having a reply really lift me up, but usually i'll stop there, 'coz in my drunkness, i already feel the warmth.

Anyhow, haven't been letting myself go that far in the last year especially most drinkings are in public area... (ha~ proud of myself now...) Sometimes, sometimes i do want to let myself drink more and wanna get drunk for the sake of getting drunk, but other than that emptiness, i cannot find any problems within me that urge me to drink. Something that cannot be solved easily, and definitely not over the phone.

I always believe that I am a good listener. umm... a pretty good yet useless listener who only listens without giving advices. But then, the results (i reckon) won't be much different whether or not i do give advice or not, as most of the time they just want someone to be there to share, not to solve the problem. But if you really want to counsell or have a proper chat, do it when he's sober.

Maybe, tell him to leave SMS instead... i am not a good speaking person. I think SMS might be more powerful (at least i can read again b4 sending... :P)

OMG... talking too much about myself... I better stop :P

oh... anyway, i still wanna have a night to drink a bit more... umm... if i dun have VB... but dun u worry, i'm fine~~ at least i am not heavily drinking at home by myself... :P

mon1ca said...

Actually, i tried calling him a couple of times recently. But I think hes either ran out of credit, didn't pay his bills or changeed his number. Just wanted to know if he was dead or alive in Sg.

AstroGirl said...

Mon... i think he mumbled something about losing his mobile. because at one stage i told him to call kenny instead and he said he can't because he'd lost their numbers. if u can, pls help me find out if he is ok. thanks a million babe. :)

mon1ca said...

Just tried calling. "The Hi-Card subscriber you're calling is currently not available...".

Called K**** but some how the other person on the line doesn't know who he is =P

No idea how I can find him now.