"You say that we've got nothing in common...
No common ground to start from..." (*lyrics from Breakfast at Tiffany's)
No common ground to start from..." (*lyrics from Breakfast at Tiffany's)
What should do you when you are in a relationship and you realise that you both have nothing in common ? Do you stick together by puting 100% effort in (from both parties) and try to make it work ? Or to stop trying to avoid the inevitable and just let it fall apart ?
In the beginning, it is nearly always chemistry that pulls two people together. But when that force of attraction dies down (usually after the first 3 months - if you are lucky), what is left between two people is the love that keeps the relationship together. Love that is kept alive by being emotionally compatible together.
With nothing in common, it is very hard to feel emotionally compatible.
I can no longer recall the last time we had a meaningful discussion or even debated about something. Maybe because we never did. When it comes to conversations over the phone we just sit in silence, not knowing what to say to each other. Even in person, nothing now ventures past the "how was work today?" question.
I used to think atleast we both like to go out drinking and have a good time. But lately, even that has just become a myth of the past.
It’s the sense of feeling that you have an empty void inside you. An empty void that just needs to be filled up. With you left feeling totally unsatisfied with your life if it isn't.
I always thought that things in relationships should "just happen". And that everything works best when you are able to be spontaneous and natural. But that is rapidly becoming another myth in my life. I'm not saying that I don't put any effort in my relationships to make them work. I do. But I think there should be a limit to everything.
Where should you draw the line between the amount of effort you should put in before you should opt to pull the plug ?
4 comments:
i hope someone will one day come up with an answer to your question...
i guess it's called life...
the main "problem" is that at the beginning things are always great, then everyday life/worries/etc. start popping up here & there... and if you truly love each other, that is not a problem, you accept each other the way you are - you know the cliches... but there's truth in them...
i used to give up on someone easily, now i try to stick around and make it work... sometimes it's been worth it, other times not...
not very helpful, i guess... sorry.
pat
p.s.: not sure you're into their style of music... but i recommend listening to placebo's latest single "song to say goodbye"... maybe it'll help you cheer up... or inspire you to take a decision...
pat
Hi Pat... :) I know I was asking a rhetorical question, and didn't really expect any answers. It was just the way I was feeling when I blogged this post.
Thanks for your suggestion though.. :)
Initially it may seem that there are so many things both parties have in common, but as time progresses you may come to realise that there are not too many similarities after all. However we should realise that maybe that's not such a bad thing - just take a look at my r'ship, we both have little in common but we strive to find things that we can both do and enjoy - which sometimes can be challenging as it's easier said than done to find common activities we may both enjoy.
Having said that, I guess after the honeymoon period, things may actually seem less harmonious but that's only 'coz of other facets of your life kicking in as usual to take over your life once more and it seems more of a chore to try and make the r'ship work given the time constraints.
But I think you might want to give it a little more time to see whether this may be just a bump in the road and things may improve, sometimes we need the bad to figure out the good in a r'ship.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should hang on even if it's a sinking ship, I just think you might wanna be careful that you're not jumping the gun.
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